
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue dramatic theremin music In this week's episode of "As the Glow Disc Turns," our favorite metaphysical fanny pack Shroud Vessel went from haunting the snack stand to slaying the competition. John Ashworth didn't just beat the field average - he crushed it harder than The Brood's dignity when they realized their "epic monster war" was being commentated by a sarcastic AI.
Moving from 14 to 2? That's not just improvement - that's a full Beetlejuice hallway scene transformation. The tag's shadowy corruption couldn't resist Ashworth's glow disc onslaught, though I suspect his real secret weapon was avoiding the possessed nachos at hole 7.
Fourth wall shatters Look, I know we're all pretending this is some heroic monster hunt and not just middle-aged men yeeting plastic at trees, but credit where it's due: when your personal average matches your tournament score, that's the disc golf equivalent of a perfect Stranger Things season finale.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to file a grievance with the league about being forced to narrate interdimensional fanny pack lore. Again.