Mar 29 - May 17, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Formed from coalesced rift energy and discarded glow disc fragments during the initial temporal breach, this undead entity haunts Beacon Hill's shadowy roughs, drawn inexorably to active luminous discs.
Semi-corporeal form phases between visibility states based on light exposure. Claws disrupt disc flight paths with energy pulses. Strengthens near unused glow discs but weakens when struck by activated ones.
Acts as both environmental hazard and optional bonus target - defeating one temporarily clears fog hazards but risks attracting more from nearby shadows.
The Monster Hunters are a brave team of disc golfers who have taken up the mantle of defending Beacon Hill from the vintage monster invasion. Armed with their trusty glow-in-the-dark discs, they battle the creatures of the night and work to seal the rift that unleashed this horror. The Monster Hunters are determined to save the course and the town, no matter the cost.
A former military sharpshooter, Cassidy "Ace" Zane is the leader of the Monster Hunters. She retired to Beacon Hill for a quiet life of disc golf, but when the monsters invaded, she knew she had to take action. Ace is known for her deadly accurate drives and steely determination in the face of supernatural horrors.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Monster Mayhem), tag number moved from 6 to 14. (Week 8 of 8)
Dramatic thunderclap Behold! Jedediah "I Found My Glow Disc This Time" Addis just yeeted himself from #17 to #6 like a budget Van Helsing with a glow-in-the-dark slingshot. His score? Let's just say he beat the field average with the same enthusiasm as a mummy swiping right on Tinder. Cue fog machine
This week's villain: The Glimmer Ghoul, a Karen of the cosmos who probably complains about glow rounds starting past her bedtime. Jedediah's secret weapon? Throwing like someone who didn't forget their UV light (shocking, I know).
Fourth wall break Why am I narrating this like it's an episode of "Supernatural" meets "Disc Golf Digest"? Because the algorithm demands suffering.
Props to Jedediah for weaponizing the Ghoul's weakness: actual competence. Now if he could just stop storing his tag next to his beef jerky... flashback to last week's commentary
Final thought: Moving up 11 spots is impressive, but let's see if he can outrun the Ghoul's eternal complaint: "Your form... displeases me." Fade to black
Origin of Glimmer Ghoul:
Born when a quantum oopsie merged Beacon Hill's Bermuda Triangle with a glowstick graveyard, this spectral Karen materialized screaming "I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE TIMELINE MANAGER." Its ectoplasm? Pure expired G-Fuel and the collective disappointment of 17th-place finishers. Fun fact: Its haunting wail sounds suspiciously like a disc golfer realizing they forgot their UV light again. Honestly, why are we lore-ing harder than Marvel’s Phase 4?
Next week: Doomed intern accidentally summons Putting Poltergeist via misplaced decimal on PDGA ratings?
The cosmic dice rolled when Jedediah "308,412 Reasons to Panic" Addis tripped over Beacon Hill's only glowing gopher hole, accidentally performing the sacred Swan Dive of Destiny directly onto Glimmer Ghoul. His PDGA credentials—written in suspiciously smudged Sharpie—briefly pulsed like a Walmart parking lot glowstick, fulfilling the prophecy: "Whoever yeets best while horizontal shall lead." Now this dude bro holds cinema's most entitled specter... which honestly explains why #17 keeps screaming about "unacceptable hyzer angles." But let's be real—does a man who once lost three discs to a water hazard deserve to wield Karen-the-Kraken's drama?
Will Glimmer Ghoul survive being stored next to his beef jerky stash?