
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Dramatic thunderclap Jeremy Helt just yeeted his way from tag #12 to #5 like a glow disc through the rift's darkness - which, coincidentally, is this tag's whole deal. Sigil #12 shrieks in betrayal "You were supposed to be my mediocre disciple!"
Helt's -3.3 vs field proves he's finally weaponizing that cursed Dunkin' habit into actual skill. The Dusk Marauder tag, forged from espresso explosions and Hot Topic angst, now phases between shadows to sabotage other players like a petty poltergeist.
Fourth wall break: Yes, we're still doing this monster hunter LARP. No, the CW hasn't called to option this dumpster fire yet.
Darkness tendrils recoil as Helt's 888-rated round outshines the artificial night he's supposed to create. Pop culture ref: He's basically the Babadook if Babadook could hit 350ft hyzers.
Calling back to last week's "lycan-putt" disaster - maybe tripping over Wolfman was the hero origin story we all deserved. Now excuse me while I plunge into existential despair over narrating tag movements like they're Marvel post-credits scenes.