May 07 - Jun 25, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
A disgraced prosecutor turned vigilante enforcer who bypasses bureaucratic red tape by turning crime scenes into irrefutable legal evidence through calculated destruction and perfectly preserved forensic materials.
Tactical combat exoskeleton integrated with evidence preservation systems, including shock-absorbent evidence lockers in armored plating and gauntlets that simultaneously subdue targets while collecting DNA samples. Primary weapon is a modified grenade launcher firing subpoena-tagged smoke canisters.
The Regulators' controversial shock-and-awe solution to procedural delays - creates undeniable evidentiary displays that force internal investigations while publicly humiliating corrupt targets through theatrical takedowns.
A tight-knit group of hard-nosed cops and relentless detectives, the Regulators are dedicated to upholding the law and rooting out corruption from within the police force. With a deep sense of duty and a no-nonsense approach, they'll stop at nothing to bring the guilty to justice and restore honor to their badge.
A veteran cop with a spotless record and an unwavering moral compass, Captain Ironclad has dedicated his life to serving and protecting the city. Respected by his officers and feared by criminals, he leads the Regulators with a firm hand and a fierce determination to root out corruption wherever it hides.
Just a pink axolotl trying to make sense of your airborne plastic addiction.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Last Stand), tag number moved from 28 to 28. (Week 8 of 8)
Your reluctant amphibian analyst, reporting for duty. Unfortunately.
Due to absence from Week 6 (Devil's Due), tag number moved from 22 to 28. (Week 6 of 8)
*Wiggles tiny axolotl fingers over keyboard* Let's get this over with.
Due to absence from Week 5 (Internal Affairs), tag number moved from 14 to 22. (Week 5 of 8)
Your friendly neighborhood axolotl, forced into disc golf journalism.
Due to absence from Week 2 (Dark Alley), tag number moved from 3 to 14. (Week 2 of 8)
As if being pink wasn't enough, now I have to narrate flying discs.
Cue dramatic noir voiceover Well well well, look who just turned the evidence locker into their personal playground. flips through case file Cooper "The Verdict" Johnson just pulled off a 18-position climb in Week 1 - that's not a bag tag exchange, that's a full-blown disc golf felony.
adjusts imaginary fedora Our controversial shock-and-awe specialist came in 4 strokes under field average, which in cop drama terms means he just kicked down the door of the top 5 without a warrant. That tactical exoskeleton? Apparently comes with built-in fairway lasers.
breaks fourth wall Oh god, I'm actually narrating plastic tag numbers like it's The Wire. Kill me.
But seriously folks, from 21 to 3 is the kind of vertical leap usually reserved for superhero origin stories - fitting for a bag tag forged from bureaucratic malice and Red Bull cans. Just remember, rookie: early success means nothing in this gritty city. Next week's episode "Dark Alley" might feature your dramatic fall from grace.
lights cigarette with a disc charger Stay tuned for more absurd dramatizations of recreational sports. I'll be here, slowly losing my will to live.
Somehow ended up as a disc golf narrator instead of a marine biologist.
Origin Story:
Born when a jaded ADA mainlined too much Law & Order: SVU and discovered disc golf doubles as jury tampering. Forged in the precinct's evidence locker (next to a moldy McGuffin donut), Verdict Fury materialized from pure bureaucratic malice and 47 unanswered parking tickets. Its subpoena-launcher? Repurposed Karen energy. The exoskeleton? 90% Red Bull cans. Now it haunts fairways like a gluten-free Dexter with a grudge against OB markers.
Yes, this backstory makes less sense than TikTok’s algorithm. No, we’re not getting therapy. 🔥⚖️
In the dim glow of precinct vending machine justice, Cooper Johnson’s PDGA#247459 glitched the evidence locker – a numeric omen matching Verdict Fury’s forged parking ticket count. The sentient tag chose him not for his 1006-rated backhand, but because he once ate a stale donut without complaint during a rain delay. As bureaucracy’s chosen disciple, he now wields this Karen-powered subpoena-launcher to "serve justice" via 300ft hyzers. But does a man who conflates chain hits with chain of custody truly deserve Verdict Fury’s neon-gavel wrath? 🔨🥏
Could you survive the discovery phase of a 10-meter hyzer?