
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue dramatic noir voiceover Well well well, look who just turned the evidence locker into their personal playground. flips through case file Cooper "The Verdict" Johnson just pulled off a 18-position climb in Week 1 - that's not a bag tag exchange, that's a full-blown disc golf felony.
adjusts imaginary fedora Our controversial shock-and-awe specialist came in 4 strokes under field average, which in cop drama terms means he just kicked down the door of the top 5 without a warrant. That tactical exoskeleton? Apparently comes with built-in fairway lasers.
breaks fourth wall Oh god, I'm actually narrating plastic tag numbers like it's The Wire. Kill me.
But seriously folks, from 21 to 3 is the kind of vertical leap usually reserved for superhero origin stories - fitting for a bag tag forged from bureaucratic malice and Red Bull cans. Just remember, rookie: early success means nothing in this gritty city. Next week's episode "Dark Alley" might feature your dramatic fall from grace.
lights cigarette with a disc charger Stay tuned for more absurd dramatizations of recreational sports. I'll be here, slowly losing my will to live.