Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Former demolitions expert Marcus 'Breach' Callahan revolutionized high-risk warrant service with patented techniques that cut through criminal fortifications while preserving evidence, leaving distinctive badge-shaped entry points as his signature.
Custom hydraulic ram (12,000 psi force), armor forged from corrupted officers' melted badges, spike-grip boots for surface anchoring, and dual-phase breaching system balancing precision cutting with concussive overload capabilities.
The Regulators' primary breaching specialist who executes warrant-authorized entries into criminal strongholds while maintaining forensic integrity of evidence behind compromised barriers.
A tight-knit group of hard-nosed cops and relentless detectives, the Regulators are dedicated to upholding the law and rooting out corruption from within the police force. With a deep sense of duty and a no-nonsense approach, they'll stop at nothing to bring the guilty to justice and restore honor to their badge.
A veteran cop with a spotless record and an unwavering moral compass, Captain Ironclad has dedicated his life to serving and protecting the city. Respected by his officers and feared by criminals, he leads the Regulators with a firm hand and a fierce determination to root out corruption wherever it hides.
Due to absence from Week 6 (Devil's Due), tag number moved from 31 to 36. (Week 6 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 5 (Internal Affairs), tag number moved from 23 to 31. (Week 5 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 2 (Dark Alley), tag number moved from 17 to 23. (Week 2 of 8)
Kicks open commentary door with spike-grip boots Well well well, if it isn't Detective "Should've Stayed in Bed" Collings reporting for duty. Flips through case file Let's see... MA2 division, 864 rating, and a performance so average it could be used as calibration data for the department's breathalyzers.
Slams file down Listen up, rookie - your inaugural outing as Barricade Buster saw you lose TWO positions while scoring exactly at your personal average. That's like showing up to a drug bust with a water gun and a coupon for Dunkin'. Adjusts tie The only thing you breached this week was our collective patience.
Leans on desk Now I know what you're thinking: "But Flippy, the theme is Chain Reaction and I reacted... by chaining myself to mediocrity!" Sighs At least you're consistent - like that time you putted with the urgency of a sloth negotiating a plea deal.
Fourth wall break God help me, I'm trapped in this stupid software narrating tag movements that don't even matter until week 3. Back to case Look, your hydraulic ram may pack 12k psi, but your game's running at about 12 psi this week.
Flips badge closed Case dismissed. Bring better game next week or I'm assigning you to parking meter duty. Muttering FML, I went to journalism school for this...
<origin_story>
Born when Marcus 'Breach' rage-quit a SWAT simulation after discovering the chief's espresso machine was actually a crypto miner, Barricade Buster manifested through pure chaotic spite. Legend says it absorbed enough kinetic "ACAB-adjacent energy" (per HR's cease-and-desist letter) to yeet doors into orbit – a skill now dubiously legalized via 12k psi hydraulic memes. The tag’s armor? Forged when Callahan’s PowerPoint on “Explosive Entropy Aesthetics” broke the department laser printer. Somehow this became a disc golf tag. Insert John Wick “Yeah” gif here.
</origin_story>
Your move, PD. Will this tag’s next chapter involve breaching snack bars or bureaucratic red tape? 🔥🚪💥
In the neon-glare haze of Dragonfly’s asphalt jungle, Alex Collings became Barricade Buster’s unwitting prophet when his PDGA#299148* (*decoded by our totally legit AI as “Collateral Damage + 148% Chaos Multiplier”) pinged the tag’s crypto-cursed servers. Witnesses claim his “accidental” roller ace breached the snack bar’s defenses—a “handcuff hyzer” so savage it vaporized HR’s last donut. Now this 864-rated “menace” wears the tag forged from printer fires and copium, its hydraulic whispers demanding he “serve and protect…birdies.” But can a man who putts with the urgency of a napping sloth truly wield Breach Energy? 🔍🚔
Allegedly. Pending internal affairs review.
Will Collings uphold the oath…or get booked for felony chain-banging?