Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
A former riot control specialist who transformed an abandoned precinct into an unbreachable fortress during the Gang Wars of '88, now serving as the living embodiment of The Regulators' impenetrable security protocols.
Reinforced composite armor fused with riot shield polymers, modular tower shield that converts into mobile cover, and boots that leave permanent indestructible cleat marks in concrete surfaces. Contains integrated surveillance systems in visor and vocal modulator for crowd control commands.
Maintains and defends operational bases while overseeing evidence storage integrity, conducting highly visible security patrols that demoralize criminal elements through displays of impervious defense.
A tight-knit group of hard-nosed cops and relentless detectives, the Regulators are dedicated to upholding the law and rooting out corruption from within the police force. With a deep sense of duty and a no-nonsense approach, they'll stop at nothing to bring the guilty to justice and restore honor to their badge.
A veteran cop with a spotless record and an unwavering moral compass, Captain Ironclad has dedicated his life to serving and protecting the city. Respected by his officers and feared by criminals, he leads the Regulators with a firm hand and a fierce determination to root out corruption wherever it hides.
Due to absence from Week 6 (Devil's Due), tag number moved from 33 to 38. (Week 6 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 5 (Internal Affairs), tag number moved from 25 to 33. (Week 5 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 2 (Dark Alley), tag number moved from 19 to 25. (Week 2 of 8)
Sirens wail as we zoom in on a dented riot shield with fresh cleat marks
Well well, look who's getting processed like a perp in holding. Detective Bryant "The Groove Enthusiast" Adams just took a -6 nosedive in the rankings, proving even reinforced composite armor can't protect against bad throws. Flips through case file Let's see: 16 strokes over field average? That's not a chain reaction - that's a full-blown crime scene.
Adjusts mirrored visor
Listen up, rookie - when your bag tag's origin story involves surviving gang wars but you're losing to Tuesday night rec league players, maybe reconsider that "impervious defense" claim. Six spots? That's not demoralizing criminal elements - that's getting demoralized BY them.
Fourth wall break
God, I hate that we're dramatizing arbitrary numbers like this is The Wire. You're literally holding the same piece of plastic, just with worse bragging rights.
Graffiti-style title card: "EPISODE 1: FIRST RESPONSE (TO YOUR TERRIBLE SCORE)"
Memo to the Rampart Warden: Next time, try converting that modular tower shield into a score shield. Case dismissed. Drops gavel, hits foot
End scene with distant "ACAB" chants
Origin Story:
Forged in the Gang Wars of '88 when some over-caffeinated desk jockey fused a riot shield with a 3D printer and RoboCop's LinkedIn profile. Survived 7 budget cuts, 3 IA investigations, and that time it got used as a pizza tray during stakeouts. Now haunts evidence lockers like a Glock-toting poltergeist. Still not sure if it’s a badge or a glorified bottle opener. But hey – who ordered the extra cheese on this dystopian panini?
(Yes, I just compared your plastic to a sandwich. Fight me.)
In the fluorescent purgatory of Precinct Breakroom 13, Bryant Adams’ PDGA #233217 glowed like a warrant on a donut shop monitor. The Rampart Warden tag materialized in his lukewarm coffee - because of course sentient plastic judges merit via caffeine hazing. As Bryant muttered “disc-covery phase” to his putter (a rookie mistake), graffiti sirens wailed approval. Now this 938-rated civil servant must patrol Dragonfly’s fairways…with all the tactical subtlety of a glow disc in a dark alley. But does a man who still bags a Groove™ truly deserve this bureaucratic frisbee?