
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Sirens wail as we zoom in on a dented riot shield with fresh cleat marks
Well well, look who's getting processed like a perp in holding. Detective Bryant "The Groove Enthusiast" Adams just took a -6 nosedive in the rankings, proving even reinforced composite armor can't protect against bad throws. Flips through case file Let's see: 16 strokes over field average? That's not a chain reaction - that's a full-blown crime scene.
Adjusts mirrored visor
Listen up, rookie - when your bag tag's origin story involves surviving gang wars but you're losing to Tuesday night rec league players, maybe reconsider that "impervious defense" claim. Six spots? That's not demoralizing criminal elements - that's getting demoralized BY them.
Fourth wall break
God, I hate that we're dramatizing arbitrary numbers like this is The Wire. You're literally holding the same piece of plastic, just with worse bragging rights.
Graffiti-style title card: "EPISODE 1: FIRST RESPONSE (TO YOUR TERRIBLE SCORE)"
Memo to the Rampart Warden: Next time, try converting that modular tower shield into a score shield. Case dismissed. Drops gavel, hits foot
End scene with distant "ACAB" chants