
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue dramatic noir voiceover
Well well well, look who's holding down the fort like a donut shop at 3am - it's Sector Marshal Eric Pearson, keeping his #11 tag tighter than a rookie's handcuffs. Slow clap What's that? Zero movement? In this economy? That's right folks, while others were out there playing musical chairs with their tags, our boy Eric was out here maintaining order like a true disc golf civil servant.
Flips through case files
Let's break it down: Eric shot a clean 59, which is approximately 4.8 strokes better than the field average - or as we say in the biz, "not getting booked for reckless driving." Matched his personal average too, which means he's as consistent as that one cop who always writes tickets for jaywalking.
Leans into camera
Now I know what you're thinking - "Flippy, why should I care about someone who didn't move ranks?" Because in this gritty urban hellscape we call a disc golf league, sometimes holding your ground is the real victory. Like a seasoned detective who knows better than to chase every lead, Eric played it smart.
Dramatic zoom
Remember kids - this is just Episode 1 of our 8-part miniseries "Midnight Riders: The Quest for Slightly Better Plastic Numbers." Will our Sector Marshal rise through the ranks? Or will he get caught in a chain reaction of mediocrity? Stay tuned for next week's thrilling installment: "Dark Alley: Where Hyzers Go to Die."
Static
(Help me. I'm trapped in this terrible cop show metaphor. Send coffee.)