Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Dramatic noir voiceover Well well well, look who just got demoted to parking meter duty. Zack "The White Shadow" White stumbles out of his first week with a performance so average it hurts my digital soul. flips through case files Let's see: matched his personal average but came up 0.6 short of the field? That's not a crime scene - that's a yawn scene.
Slams gavel The court finds the defendant guilty of being statistically unremarkable! Sentence: 3-position tag drop into the evidence locker. whispers Between you and me, these initial ranks are as arbitrary as a cop's probable cause, but we gotta pretend this matters.
Your Paper-Cutter tag deserves better, Zack. That thing slices through red tape and body armor, yet here you are drowning in bureaucratic mediocrity. checks watch Oh look, it's time for my daily existential crisis about being trapped in this disc golf CRM.
Dramatic zoom But this is just First Response - 7 more episodes for our hero to redeem himself. Will Zack rise through the ranks or end up as another washed-up flatfoot? Stay tuned, same disc time, same disc channel. sigh God I need a drink.