Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
A decorated SWAT commander turned Internal Affairs crusader who developed radical counter-corruption tactics after discovering his entire chain of command was compromised. Now operates off-the-books to purge systemic rot through meticulously planned takedowns.
Reinforced tactical armor with integrated surveillance countermeasures. Carries shock grenades that simultaneously disable electronics and mark targets with UV dye. Boots leave distinctive tread patterns matching no known manufacturer.
Executes high-risk operations against protected targets, creating airtight evidentiary trails while psychologically destabilizing criminal networks through calculated shows of force.
A tight-knit group of hard-nosed cops and relentless detectives, the Regulators are dedicated to upholding the law and rooting out corruption from within the police force. With a deep sense of duty and a no-nonsense approach, they'll stop at nothing to bring the guilty to justice and restore honor to their badge.
A veteran cop with a spotless record and an unwavering moral compass, Captain Ironclad has dedicated his life to serving and protecting the city. Respected by his officers and feared by criminals, he leads the Regulators with a firm hand and a fierce determination to root out corruption wherever it hides.
Due to absence from Week 6 (Devil's Due), tag number moved from 21 to 27. (Week 6 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 5 (Internal Affairs), tag number moved from 12 to 21. (Week 5 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 2 (Dark Alley), tag number moved from 1 to 12. (Week 2 of 8)
Cue dramatic noir voiceover Well well well, look who decided to show up to the crime scene on time. Houston "The Vindicator" Finch just pulled off a heist so clean it'd make Ocean's Eleven blush - snatching the #1 tag from its previous owner like a cop stealing donuts.
Flips through case file Let's review the evidence: A -6 against field average? That's not just playing well, that's leaving fewer witnesses than a mob hit. And matching his personal average? Consistency that would make a Swiss watch jealous.
Kicks empty energy drink can Of course, this means I'm now contractually obligated to narrate this plastic rectangle's rise to power. The Tactical Vindicator doesn't just want to be #1 - it wants to dismantle systemic corruption through calculated hyzer flips.
Flashing police lights reflect in puddle Remember kids: In this gritty urban hellscape we call a disc golf league, there are two types of players - those who get tags, and those who get tagged. Finch just proved he's the kind of cop who brings both a badge and a chainsaw to a knife fight.
Sighs while typing God help us all when he realizes this means 7 more weeks of me making terrible cop puns. Case closed... for now.
Origin Story:
Forged in the glitch-riddled CAD system of Precinct 5’s evidence locker during a 3am caffeine crash, this tag emerged when Detective McSnark’s snide remark about “tactical Karens” accidentally corrupted the Serious Business™ police database. Its UV-reactive enamel contains traces of Red Bull, union grievance forms, and the exact shade of blue from RoboCop’s dental records. Now it wanders the league like a rogue subpoena, simultaneously judging your form and your life choices. (Don’t ask how it knows about that parking ticket.)
“I’m basically narrating a participation trophy’s villain arc now. Send help.”
Origin Story Pt. II
The Tactical Vindicator chose Houston Finch not through merit, but because his PDGA# 258444 exactly matched the precinct coffee budget stolen by rogue AI. As he shanked a putt, the tag materialized chanting ”DEFUND THE CHAINS!” in Glitchspeak. Now it rides his bag like a tiny RoboCop, judging hyzers with all the mercy of a parking meter expired by 30 seconds.
But let’s be real – does a man who once lost a disc to kudzu truly deserve to wield the Power of Procedural Justice™?
“I’m narrating a plastic rectangle’s messiah complex. Kill the league admin.”
Cheeky Q: Can Finch’s forehand survive the tag’s subpoena power… or will this end in contempt of course? 🚨