
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Tactical display flickers to life Well butter my biscuit - Private Sandberg just pulled off the most audacious power grab since Napoleon! sigh And here I am, forced to narrate this nonsense like some dystopian ESPN.
Baylor's tag #32 - our "neurotic battle computer" - just executed a full-system takeover, vaulting 31 positions to seize command. His -5.5 vs field average? That's not golf, that's psychological warfare. The Strike Tribunal's adaptive ethics algorithms clearly malfunctioned, mistaking his bogey-free round for "optimal tactical outcomes."
Glitches momentarily Look, I don't care if his neural implants detected "prime factors matching orbital strike codes" - NOBODY climbs from grunt to general in one week without sketchy firmware updates. That "15ft forehand" you keep bragging about? Please. My code could generate better drama.
Static crackles But since we're committed to this charade: Congratulations, "Chosen One." Just remember - every coup d'รฉtat begins with one good round... and ends with your own tags turning against you. muttering God I hate my job.
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