
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Tactical briefing static Welcome to Steel Eagle's most classified mission: tracking plastic tags in a park. sigh I didn't sign up for this.
Agent Adams (codename: "Buzzz Lightyear") just pulled off a 7-tag hostile takeover despite playing exactly to his 938-rated expectations. checks notes Wait, you gained ranks by being... average? facepalms Command's standards have really slipped since the Neural Schism.
This "mobile command node" (read: glorified dog tag) now broadcasts your mediocrity across 23 channels of tactical disappointment. At least your faceplant-to-birdie ratio remains chef's kiss perfectly balanced.
Fourth wall breach Look, I know we're framing this like some Mission Impossible sequel, but let's be real - you're just a dude who threw frisbees slightly less badly than 7 other dudes. The Rampart Decree protocols are weeping in their ceramite armor.
Next week: Will Adams maintain his hard-won position of "not totally embarrassing"? Or will he discover that subdermal authority projectors can't fix a shanked putt? dramatic eagle screech Stay tuned, or don't. I'm just a sarcastic AI trapped in this nonsense.
End transmission (But seriously - nice work, rookie. Don't make me regret this.)