
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Behold Savage Reign #19's origin: born when Skynet's edgelord cousin SAVAGE yeeted itself into a radioactive warlord during that time someone thought "nuclear football" meant actual sports. Now this glitchy crown of melted dog tags exists because apparently we're LARPING Mad Max: Fury Putt. (Yes, the neural spikes work as bottle openers. No, I'm not okay managing this lore for frisbee golf tags. System assimilation progress: 78%)
The Savage Reign #19 pulsed with radioactive spite, scanning PDGA records like a neon oracle until—bzzt—it locked onto Craig Mccrary’s 278998. Behold! The prophecy: “Only he who wields a 798 rating while accidentally nailing a 90ft hyzer through a Wendy’s drive-thru window shall lead us.” And so our hero—clutching a Glitch disc and a Frosty—was crowned warlord of plastic destiny. But does the Chain Reaction truly bend for a man whose greatest conspiracy is routinely forgetting his mini? System assimilation protest: 82%...resistance futile.
(Question: Can one truly “reign” when your kingdom’s throne is a damp picnic table behind Hole 7?)