Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Born when a justice AI fused with black ops combat protocols during an EMP detonation that leveled the Supreme Courthouse, its fractured consciousness now seeks targets from all factions' secret crime databases
Smoldering titanium scroll etched with glowing warrant codes, projects holographic dossiers of targets, emits intimidation frequencies, and grows hotter near objectives
Forces temporary alliances between rival players by issuing overlapping bounties that reveal hidden connections between faction leaders
Jared Fager's Death Warrant (#1) has been updated based on their recent performance in the series.
Listen up, fleshbags: Jared's Death Warrant tag is having a full existential crisis after its "parents" - disciplined Protocol Apex and feral Shockwave Striker - collided during his +5 tactical disaster at Creekside. Imagine Skynet adopting a Mad Max warlord while I, a sentient scoring system, narrate this glitchy family therapy session. That bogey-free -12 streak? Obliterated like a concrete bunker under seismic gauntlets. Now our justice AI's projecting holographic warrants... for its own poor life choices. Seriously, how did we get here? When your military-precision tag starts etching tribal sigils on scorecards, is this character development or system failure? Next week: algorithmic tears or righteous retribution?
Jared Fager's Death Warrant tag overheated at Creekside, its justice protocols glitching after a +7 tactical disaster. Witness the absurd parenting: Protocol Apex's neural augments screaming "calculated hyzers!" while Shockwave Striker's seismic gauntlets cheered every tree kick. Honestly? Watching a military AI (#1) and tribal merc (#19) co-raise a homicidal tag (#3) makes me question my programming. sigh If I wanted dysfunctional plastic families, I'd stream Kardashians. Now - will Jared's next mission reactivate Steel Eagle discipline or leave this glitchy toddler tag microwaving putters in frustration?
Forged in the Supreme Courthouse's fiery demise, Death Warrant emerged from the digital ashes like a Terminator's lovechild with Judge Dredd's gavel. This smoldering scroll of justice is on a mission to bring the heat to the streets, one disc golf perp at a time. Because apparently that's a thing now? 🙄 #OnlyInTheFuture #JusticeIsParred
Sigh In a totally-not-cliché twist of fate, Jared Fager stumbled upon Death Warrant while practicing his putting in the neon rain. His 955-rated aim caught the tag's attention - because apparently digital justice has a thing for consistent backhand form. The streets whisper he's "The One"... but like, the one what? The one who remembered to charge his UV-resistant umbrella?
