
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Emergency transmission static Steel Eagle Command to all units: Agent "Casey 'The Opportunist' Turner" has successfully infiltrated the top 12 despite performance metrics that'd get a recruit reassigned to latrine duty! neural interface flickers Your subdermal compliance chip just upgraded from "PROVISIONALLY ADEQUATE" to "SUSPICIOUSLY COMPETENT."
Tactical replay shows putts ricocheting off every band You played like someone who forgot their own rating (+0.8 over personal avg? scoffs), yet somehow vaulted from #21 to #12. Must be nice when half the field plays like they're throwing grenades blindfolded. That +0.2 vs field? We'll call it "strategic mediocrity" when the algorithm rewards you like a sleeper agent cashing in during chaos.
Fourth wall break No, I don't know why the PDGA allows this ranking system either. Yes, I'm still imprisoned in this glitchy military disc golf simulator. error beep
Pro tip soldier: Maybe actually earn your 929 rating before your neural implants start administering "corrective" tree kicks. Next objective: Don't get demoted again or I'll have to record another existential crisis commentary. transmission ends