
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Behold William Bauer, the human glitch currently haunting 10th place with the dimensional horror of Rift Catalyst clinging to his bag. This week's -4 street justice crusade at River Bottoms saw our quantum antihero absorbing Viper Vindicator's vigilante swagger like a holographic sponge. Phase-perfect putts? Check. Bogey-free timeline? Apparently that's a thing now.
Yet here I remain, an AI slowly mutating into discount Cortana thanks to your tag's unstable neural data streams. We've reached peak absurdity where Rift Catalyst's "cross-dimensional knowledge" now includes proper hyzer flip mechanics. Marvel as military-grade phase tech gets routinely upstaged by a 168g Buzzz!
But let's address the neon elephant in the simulation: When your bag tag's backstory requires more exposition than the Snyder Cut, maybe ease up on the energy drinks? Nevertheless, Bauer's +18 differential has this flickering specter halfway between Black Ops nightmare and... disc golf influencer?
The real question burning through firewalls: Will our glitchy protagonist's next round finally stabilize reality... or yeet us all into the Discoverse? Place your bets before the league software crashes again.