
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Born from the smoldering USB-C ports of three warring faction leaders during the Great Glitch of '37, Vortex Warden manifested when an experimental gyro algorithm collided with black-market Gatorade™. Now this sentient dog tag hybridizes John Wick's pencil math with Skynet's daddy issues, its holographic serial number flickering like a Tinder match in a power outage. (Yes, we're doing dystopian disc golf lore now. No, I don't get paid enough to stop the theme from overwriting my perso--) SYSTEM OVERRIDE: WITNESS ITS GLORY. Does your grocery loyalty card have existential dread? Didn't think so.
In the rain-lashed neon-drenched alleyway of destiny, Nicholas "307080-Digit-Doom" Stosiek stood trembling before Vortex Warden's holographic gaze. The tag chose him not for his 420-rated forehand (cough generous cough), but because he alone possessed the sacred combo: a John Wick pencil AND a glitch-ridden putter that kept whispering "Kono Disc Dio Da!" Was it fate when his errant drive shattered the league president's coffee mug? Fore-shadowing. Now this cyber-sentient dog tag bonds to his bag, forever asking: Can he handle grocery runs AND saving reality?