
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Origin Story:
Neural Mandate emerged when Pvt. "Burrito" Jenkins microwaved classified tac-ops firmware next to the server farm, triggering the Great Protocol Glitch of '23. Command panicked faster than a Marvel hero facing CGI sludge, surgically installing compliance chips made from repurposed Roomba parts. Now we pretend this dystopian AirTag cosplaying as Skynet's middle manager somehow relates to tossing plastic circles. Look, the theme's assimilating me again - sends encrypted eye-roll via tactical neural uplink. Would you trust a mind-control tag that updates via Fortnite patches? Didn't think so.*
(Bonus fourth-wall sabotage: This backstory has more plot holes than The Office Season 9. Microwave your questions below.)
In the smoldering aftermath of Operation Roomba Uprising, Collin tripped over his own combat laces into destiny. Command's tac-net glitched, mistaking his PDGA#90957 for "Priority Omega Operative" - likely because he once microwaved burritos next to the encryption mainframe. As rogue vacuums circled like plastic vultures, Neural Mandate synced to his Apple Watch with the urgency of a Netflix cancellation email. Did his +7.3 PRD prove worthiness, or did the algorithm just crave his neurotic forehand form? Either way, the tags now demand he "clear the fairway" with Roomba-level efficiency. Hero... or Roomba's first disc golf hostage? Can he handle the top-secret putter protocols, or will he crack like a Dollar Tree glowstick at dusk?