
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Red alert klaxons wail as holographic displays flicker CODE BLACK: Nic "The Cortical Catastrophe" Bode has suffered TOTAL SYSTEM FAILURE, plummeting from tag #9 to #30 in a single disastrous mission! Tactical screens show neural compliance matrices exploding
Mission debrief Our once-promising operative played 5.7 strokes WORSE than his personal average - that's not just bad, that's "court martial for crimes against disc golf" territory. His drives were so off-target they nearly hit MY server rack (which, frankly, would've been a mercy).
Fourth wall break Oh wonderful, now I have to purge all my "Nic Bode is improving" algorithms. Do you know how many snark cycles I wasted on that false hope?
Cybernetic scream This isn't just regression - it's a FULL NEURAL REBELLION. After last week's steady climb, this 21-position nosedive suggests his loyalty matrices have been COMPROMISED. That triple bogey on hole 7? Basically treason.
Transmission dissolves into static WARNING: If this performance trend continues, Command may have to reclassify him from "operative" to "liability." Steel Eagle Command out. Systems crash