
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Dramatic fog machine noises Behold! The Eclipse Fiend (tag #10) has shed its shadowy cocoon and emerged as a radiant #3 - which in monster math means it's now 233% more likely to ruin your glow round. Jordan Lucero, our resident "Discount Ghostbuster," somehow managed to not lose this sentient shadow smoothie in the woods despite his usual talent for misplacing plastic.
Checks notes Wait - he shot exactly field average? Sighs in scripted drama Folks, we're witnessing the disc golf equivalent of a participation trophy transforming into an Oscar. The Eclipse Fiend must be thrilled - nothing empowers a chronal residue monster like mediocrity!
Pop quiz: What's scarier than The Blob? Watching Jordan's rating (857) try to do basic math with this tag movement. Fourth wall break I swear if I have to narrate one more "chosen one" arc for a guy who probably still bags a Groove...
Flashback to previous commentary Remember when we called Jordan a "toddler with a grenade"? Turns out the grenade was actually competent! The Eclipse Fiend's liquid darkness properties are mysteriously less problematic when you're not shanking into time rifts.
Closing thought: If Jordan keeps this up, maybe Professor Hess will stop using TikTok astronomy hacks to fix the space-time continuum. Doubtful