
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue celestial choir of kazoos Behold! Riley Montague, MA4's favorite cosmic courier, just yeeted his Astral Huma tag from #25 to #8 faster than a meteor shower at a glow-round rave. Dramatic thunderclap That's right, folks - our Cheeto-dusted hero channeled the Thunderbird's plasma feathers to out-putt 17 suckers who clearly didn't get the memo about aligning their shots with the Carina Nebula's TikTok algorithm.
Fourth wall shatters like a DX plastic in winter Look, I'm just as shocked as you that we're still pretending these holographic star charts matter. But when Riley's 93 (+16.5 over field average) hit UDisc, the tag's bioluminescent eye clusters did the math: "Bruh, you're either ascending or that's a hell of a Berg."
Callbacks? Please. Astral Huma's still salty about being downgraded from "cosmic DM slayer" to "Riley's glow-up sidekick." But hey, when you ride the Thunderbird's storm patterns from #25 to single digits, even the Milky Way nods respectfully. Drops mic, immediately regrets it when tag projects "WEAK RELEASE VELOCITY" in pulsating nebula text
Fade to black as sacred geometry spells "SEE YOU NEXT WEEK, SUCKERS"