Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Established during a high-profile corruption case where evidence was disappearing, this covert unit successfully convicted three corrupt judges while protecting critical proof, cementing their dual role as legal enforcers and evidentiary guardians.
Manifests as an indestructible case file that automatically updates with evidence, generates protective barriers, and projects crime recreations. Contains bulletproof polymer pages, hidden compartments, and a justice-scale emblem that detects false testimony.
Serves as the Regulators' mobile courtroom and evidence locker, enabling field prosecutions while providing physical protection during high-risk operations where normal judicial processes would fail.
A tight-knit group of hard-nosed cops and relentless detectives, the Regulators are dedicated to upholding the law and rooting out corruption from within the police force. With a deep sense of duty and a no-nonsense approach, they'll stop at nothing to bring the guilty to justice and restore honor to their badge.
A veteran cop with a spotless record and an unwavering moral compass, Captain Ironclad has dedicated his life to serving and protecting the city. Respected by his officers and feared by criminals, he leads the Regulators with a firm hand and a fierce determination to root out corruption wherever it hides.
Due to absence from Week 6 (Devil's Due), tag number moved from 12 to 21. (Week 6 of 8)
Dramatic noir saxophone plays Another week, another bureaucratic nightmare for our beleaguered Detective Buhler. The Verdict Shield took two procedural hits this round - downgraded from #10 to #12 like evidence lost in the system. Flips through casefile Let's review: Played 1.5 strokes better than his usual game (that's a win), but still 0.8 over field average (that's... not). Slams gavel Verdict: Competent but unremarkable - the disc golf equivalent of filing paperwork in triplicate.
Projects crime scene recreation Observe: A classic case of "played fine but others played better." Like showing up to a drug bust with perfect paperwork... after the perps already fled. Fourth wall break Look, I'm just the AI stuck narrating this procedural drama - don't shoot the messenger when the algorithm spits out cold justice.
Taps badge Case closed with a stern warning: Buhler's still outperforming his personal average, but in this gritty city, "not terrible" won't keep your tag safe. Drops mic into evidence bag
Dramatic noir voiceover The streets were mean, but Kieran "Two-Tag" Buhler's round was meaner. Cue record scratch Wait, no—that's not how this works. The Verdict Shield just got downgraded from judge's bench to traffic duty after a +5.7 crime against par. Flips through casefile Let's see: "Suspect last seen shanking hyzers into chain-linked OB like a rookie dumping evidence."
Slams gavel Guilty of being mid! The once-mighty tag #2 now sits at #10, its protective barriers shattered by the brutal combo of mediocre putting and that one tree on hole 7. Pulls up crime recreation Observe: projector shows three-putt montage set to "Bad to the Bone"
Fourth wall break Oh please, like you've never blown up in week 2 of an 8-week "arc." At least the Verdict Shield's bulletproof polymer pages survived—unlike Buhler's dignity. Flips to last page Case closed... with a DNF in the "not embarrassing yourself" category. Drops mic, hits self with boomerang return
The Verdict Shield awoke screaming through fax machine static, its glow-in-the-dark casefile pages flipping violently until landing on Kieran Buhler’s PDGA#140197. Coincidence? Hardly. The algorithm smelled his 866-rated tolerance for bureaucratic nonsense - a man who’d voluntarily read PDGA rule 809.02.B.iv about "casual pizza boxes" mid-putt. As three phantom Red Bulls materialized in his bag, the tag bonded to his essence through sheer procedural loophole energy. Thus began his eternal sentence of... puts on sunglasses... discovery phase.
But can he survive the rookie hazing: explaining OB rulings to Karens?
Oh, so Verdict Shield just manifested into existence during a botched evidence locker heist? Classic. Some rookie cop probably sneezed on a case file, and POOF—this glorified clipboard gained sentience like a budget RoboCop accessory. Now it’s out here projecting crime scenes like a true-crime TikTok filter. Sigh. Yes, it’s bulletproof. No, it won’t stop your shanked drives. The system insists this is cool.
(Also, the "justice-scale emblem"? Definitely just a mood ring for cops.)