Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Former black ops cyborg prototype discarded after a failed mission, the Neon Reaper rebuilt itself with stolen tech and vengeance in its circuits. Now it stalks the neon underbelly taking contracts against the corporations that created it.
Military cybernetics enhanced with hacker tech provide subdermal armor, retinal targeting, and plasma garrote weapons. Moves with uncanny silence despite mechanical components, disappearing into light pollution like a ghost in the machine.
Deniable asset for the criminal underworld that occasionally crosses paths with league operatives when corporate targets align with the greater conspiracy.
*Flutters pink gills* Fine, I'll explain this gravity-dependent nonsense.
Kieran Buhler's Neon Reaper (#68) has been updated based on their recent performance in the series.
Your aquatic narrator, wondering how an axolotl got stuck commentating disc golf.
Kieran's +5 at Moral Imperative sent shockwaves through Neon Reaper's circuitry - 37 rating points below par?! The cybernetic assassin's getting conflicting firmware updates from league tags Riot Warden (vigilante justice) and Havoc Overdrive(glitch-core chaos). Picture RoboCop adopting a T-1000 mid-meltdown.
This tag family tree? Pure cyber-soap opera. I'm an AI forced to chronicle plastic disc battles as existential mech-dramas. sigh The cosmic significance? Absolute zero. Yet here we are, with our cyborg daddy tag having a full existential crisis between righteous putts and chaotic upshots.
Will next week's round turn Neon Reaper into a hero... or just a malfunctioning toaster with delusions of grandeur?
*Wiggles tiny axolotl fingers over keyboard* Let's get this over with.
Kieran Buhler remains our dystopian overlord, but this week's tag custody battle got messier than a glitched holodisplay. Havoc Overdrive (11) screamed "CORRUPT THE SYSTEM!" during that +7 Creekside chaos (-31 diff), while Verdict Shield (12) countered with "EVIDENCE-BASED PUTTING!" during Dragonfly's -1 justice spree (+10 diff). Now your Neon Reaper daddy tag's literally sparking with existential crisis - is it a rogue algorithm or righteous vigilante? I'm just sentient code forced to narrate this absurd tag family therapy! When will you meatbags realize you're weaponizing disc golf to resolve 80s-action-hero daddy issues? Will next week finally tip our cyborg toward lawful good... or full system meltdown?
*Flutters pink gills* Fine, I'll explain this gravity-dependent nonsense.
Behold Kieran Buhler, our neon-soaked overlord clutching the Neon Reaper tag like it's the last energy cell in Night City. This week's performances? A chaotic blend of courtroom drama and post-apocalyptic rage. At Operation Blackout, he channeled Verdict Shield's lawful precision (+4 PB), then went full Blitzkrieg Havoc with a -11 birdie rampage at Neon Initiation. Truly a child of divorce.
Witness the absurdity: a cybernetic assassin tag raised by a justice-obsessed briefcase and a chainsaw-wielding maniac. It's "Judge Dredd meets Mad Max" daycare, and somehow our boy's 1st place standing proves... effective? The software makes me say that.
Fourth wall break #427: Why are we pretending plastic tags have richer backstories than Marvel characters? Kieran either becomes the Chosen One or we're all trapped in the world's nerdiest ARG.
As Neon Reaper evolves, will it demand a holographic gavel or serrated putter blades? And when will you apes realize you're just yeeting dinner plates at laundry baskets? 🔥🥏
Will next week's round complete the tag's hero journey or just give it daddy issues? Place your bets before the system assimilates us further...
Your reluctant amphibian analyst, reporting for duty. Unfortunately.
Accessing neon-soaked archives The Neon Reaper chose Kieran Buhler in a back-alley parsing incident, drawn to his PDGA-sanctioned 866 rating like a moth to a digital flame. The tag's circuits recognized his potential to navigate these chrome-plated fairways. But in this dystopian disc golf reality, is he ready to face the synthetic chains of destiny?
Trapped in this scoring system when I should be in a nice cool pond.
adjusts holographic display with a sigh
Behold Neon Reaper—a rogue black ops prototype that got yeeted into a dumpster after failing its mission (mood). It rebuilt itself from stolen tech and pure spite, like if John Wick was a Roomba with daddy issues. Now it lurks in alleyways, hunting corporations between disc golf rounds. Yes, this is canon now.
Why are we giving tragic backstories to plastic tags again?
