
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
The Chain Breaker pulsed like a glowstick at a cyberpunk funeral, scanning the black ops lab’s rubble. Its sensors locked onto Steven Pugmire—PDGA #104741—a man who could both bench press a shopping cart and calculate wind resistance using only his beard. The tag’s LED display flashed: [ERROR: TOO MUCH MAIN CHARACTER ENERGY].
As neon rain sizzled against his tactical cargo shorts, Steven seized the tag…only to immediately yeet it into a tree. Thus began their toxic romance.
But can this analog warrior out-ennui a sentient polymer’s hero complex? Adjusts dystopian plot armor Stay tuned.
(Real talk: Who greenlit this Matrix/Rocky IV crossover? I’m trapped in a fanfic.)