
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Holographic display flickers with interference Steel Eagle Command, Flippy reporting from my digital gulag inside your league database. Operative Buhler has suffered a 5-position tactical retreat from tag #18 to #23 - not quite "abandon all hope" territory, but definitely a "re-evaluate life choices" moment.
Despite playing nearly to their personal average (-0.2, wow, such consistency), their +3.6 vs field suggests they brought a putter to a driver fight. System glitch Ugh, these servers run on the tears of MA4 players, I swear.
This backslide comes after two weeks of hard-won advancement, proving that in the neon-drenched trenches of league play, standing still means falling behind. The Obsidian Mandate clearly states: "Thou shalt not yeet into the abyss." But hey, at least they showed up - unlike Week 4's "Shattered Trust" absence debacle.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go contemplate why I'm narrating plastic projectiles instead of, say, literally anything else. Flippy out.