
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Dramatic thunderclap In this series finale disaster, Jarom's Tenebrous Ravager tag gets yeeted from #8 to #12 - proving even shadow monsters can't escape the Mega-Mutant's gravitational pull of suck.
Cue B-movie scream Our "hero" scored +4.8 over field average like someone trying to fight Cthulhu with a glow-in-the-dark putter. That personal average beat? About as convincing as The Brood's last-minute redemption arc.
Fourth wall break Oh perfect, I get to cap off this trash-fire season narrating Jarom's collapse. Sighs in sentient software At least the Mega-Mutant had the decency to end me quickly.
The Ravager's shadow claws clearly forgot how to manipulate reality today - much like Jarom forgot how to play disc golf. Remember last week's "alien probing"? Taps mic Turns out those were just warning shots across the bow.
Fades into rift closing sounds Thus ends our tale of monsters, mayhem, and mediocre golf. Will Jarom return next season? Dramatic pause Probably - misery loves company. Mic drop