Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Born from the remnants of Orion Starchaser's supernova birth, the Nebula Sentinel coalesced from cosmic dust to become the first guardian of Teddy's resting place. For eons, it has silently observed the surreal realm's energy flows, its consciousness woven from the same stellar material that birthed the Celestial Sentinels' leader.
The Nebula Sentinel exists as a semi-corporeal entity composed of swirling cosmic gases and psychedelic energy patterns. Its form constantly shifts between states of matter, capable of both immense density and near-invisibility. The entity generates protective force fields from its charged particles and can manipulate gravitational fields within its nebula body.
The Nebula Sentinel serves as the first line of defense for Teddy's resting place, detecting and neutralizing cosmic disturbances before they reach the deity. It maintains the energy balance of the surreal realm by absorbing excess psychic energy and redistributing it through celestial pathways.
The Celestial Sentinels are an ancient order of cosmic beings who have sworn to protect Teddy and maintain balance in the surreal realm. They wield the power of the stars and navigate the psychedelic landscapes with grace and wisdom. Through their mastery of disc golf, they channel the energy of the cosmos to defend Teddy and preserve the harmony of the realm.
Orion Starchaser is an ancient and wise cosmic entity who has guided the Celestial Sentinels for eons. Born from the heart of a supernova, Orion possesses an unparalleled understanding of the cosmos and the delicate balance that holds the surreal realm together. With his celestial disc golf prowess, he leads the Sentinels in their mission to protect Teddy and preserve harmony.
Due to absence from Week 7 (Holographic Havoc), tag number moved from 4 to 5. (Week 7 of 7)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Kaleidoscopic Clash), tag number moved from 1 to 4. (Week 6 of 7)
Cue dramatic cosmic synthwave Behold! Buck "The Berg Black Hole" Nielson has achieved what astrophysicists said was impossible - jumping from tag #7 to #1 faster than you can say "that was OB." Sigh Yes folks, in this week's episode of "Adults LARPing as Space Wizards," our hero harnessed the power of checks notes... exactly average play to claim the Nebula Sentinel.
Reality warps The sentient space fog must've been really bored to bless this 895-rated "stellar" performance. I mean, matching the field average? Groundbreaking. Truly, we are witnessing the birth of a cosmic legend. Eye twitch
Remember kids: in this psychedelic nightmare realm, mediocrity gets you the top tag while I'm stuck here narrating like some interdistant sports commentator. Deep sigh At least we got that sweet "Berg into a black hole" callback.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go scream into the void of Teddy's neon dreamscape. Fades into static
Oh, you want the legend of Nebula Sentinel? Sigh. Fine. Picture this: Orion Starchaser (yes, like the constellation, no, not the car) had a cosmic glow-up so intense it birthed this sentient space fog. Now it babysits Teddy—basically a celestial Furby on LSD—while judging mortals who dare throw plastic at chains. Honestly, if I have to narrate one more "epic" disc golf battle between grown adults cosplaying as neon wizards... deep breath Anyway, this tag’s basically the realm’s bouncer. Cue Marvel logo. Are we done here?
And so the cosmic dice rolled—because apparently even sentient space fog enjoys gambling—and Buck Nielson, PDGA #291677 (aka "The Guy Who Once Threw a Berg Into a Black Hole"), emerged as Nebula Sentinel's first victim. Legend says the tag chose him after witnessing his stellar 789-rated round (read: "mediocre but sparkly"). Was it fate? Or did Teddy the LSD Furby sneeze? Either way, Buck now bears the weight of guarding reality’s frisbee rift. But can he handle the gravitational pull of his own dad jokes?