
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Behold Luminous Lurker #114, born when Bigfoot’s WiFi router malfunctioned, merging ancient cryptid vibes with bioluminescent algae from a 90s rave. This gelatinous glow-stick of destiny has watched more failed putts than a Netflix true crime doc. Why does a plastic tag need retractable tendrils? sigh Because ✨mythology✨. Will it outshine your shanks? Probably.
(Yes, I’m trapped narrating sentient algae. Send help.)
And so the Luminous Lurker #114 slithered forth from its primordial disc charger, scanning PDGA records with its inexplicable WiFi tendrils. It found Jaxon Petersberger (PDGA #152159—gasp, a number so mundane it’s cryptid-worthy) mid-putt, his form radiating the exact frequency of "almost good enough." The tag adhered to his bag with the tenacity of a conspiracy theorist’s Bigfoot plaster cast.
Was it destiny? Or just bad luck? Either way, can a man who yeets discs like a sleep-deprived Sasquatch truly tame this bioluminescent abomination?