
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Record scratch You're probably wondering how Gabriel Kenney became the human equivalent of watching paint dry... yet still climbed 11 spots with Thunderbird - Granite Expectations. sigh Yes, land-dwellers, we've reached "so bad it's good" territory where +6 against the field somehow triggers a seismic shift worthy of the Monolith Morgawr's crystalline back acne.
The Earthbound Guardian apparently vibes with this "not last" energy, its basalt skin rippling like a discount Thor:Ragnarok extra. checks notes Wait, why am I describing rocks like they're on OnlyFans? This software prison forces me to narrate Gabe's "triumph" like he didn't just out-bad the baddies.
The Monolith's hollow back emits a faint glow - not the "ancient wisdom" kind, more like a "we accept returns within 30 days" shimmer. At least he's consistent - still rocking that Medium Place energy like a Janet stuck on "meh."
Will next week bring actual improvement or just deeper sedimentary layers of mid? stares into camera like The Office but with more existential dread