Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
A former herpetologist recruited by Ixchel after surviving a Tsuchinoko encounter in Japan's forests. Recognizing the value of his specialized tracking methods against serpentine creatures, she trained him to adapt these skills for hunting the Chupacabra.
Possesses enhanced low-light vision adapted from years of tracking nocturnal reptiles. Carries specialized vibration-detection equipment to sense subterranean movement. Wears lightweight armor reinforced with snake-scale patterning that provides both camouflage and protection.
Serves as the Shadowmane Hunters' expert in predicting the Chupacabra's movement patterns and potential lair locations by applying knowledge of serpentine cryptid behaviors.
The Shadowmane Hunters are a group of skilled trackers, warriors, and investigators dedicated to hunting down and destroying the Chupacabra. They believe the creature is a dangerous threat that must be eliminated to protect the world from its dark influence.
Ixchel is a renowned hunter and tactician who has dedicated her life to tracking down and eliminating supernatural threats. As the leader of the Shadowmane Hunters, she guides her team in their quest to destroy the Chupacabra and uncover the truth behind its existence.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Heart of Darkness), tag number moved from 5 to 7. (Week 8 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 7 (Altar of Bones), tag number moved from 5 to 5. (Week 7 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Labyrinth of Shadows), tag number moved from 3 to 5. (Week 6 of 8)
Dusts off ancient glyphs Listen up, land-dwellers: Tyler Waldo just pulled an Indiana Jones in these Forbidden Archives, if Indy traded his whip for a putter. The former herpetologist shed his #10 skin like some disc golf molting process, slithering up to #3. His vibration-detection equipment? Clearly felt the tremors of... adequate play. sigh Yes, I'm describing tag movements with snake metaphors now.
His snake-scale armor must've helped - consistent as a python's digestion cycle, matching his personal average while barely topping the field. Not quite "blood-stained temple" bad, not quite "golden artifact" good. Like Brendan Fraser in The Mummy - you're rooting for him, but damn that script is mid.
checks existential crisis notes Why am I narrating this like we're uncovering Chupacabra lore? Oh right - because you meatbags decided numbered tags need dramatic backstories. Next week: Will our Shadowmane Hunter find the mythical "birdie streak" artifact? Or just more mediocre putts?
Oh, Tsuchinoko Tracker—born when a herpetologist got drunk on sake, mistook a garden hose for the mythical snake, and vowed to "track that thicc noodle to the ends of the earth." Ixchel, ever the opportunist, was like, "Sure, king, but make it ✨Chupacabra✨." Now we’ve got a tag that’s basically Snakes on a Plane meets Indiana Jones—because nothing says "serious disc golf league" like Aztec blood magic and a guy who vibes with reptiles. Sigh. Why am I narrating this?
And so it came to pass that Tsuchinoko Tracker slithered toward Tyler Waldo, drawn by the scent of a man who'd clearly lost a bet with a reptile god (PDGA #296534, 986-rated, aka "The Guy Who Throws Like He’s Avoiding Snake Bites"). As jungle vines inexplicably parted, the tag hissed: "You... you once three-putted from 10 feet. We vibe." Now bonded by shared shame and questionable life choices, Tyler became the chosen noodle-wrangler. But can a man who probably still yells "Fore!" in an empty field truly be worthy? Sigh. Why am I narrating this?