Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
The Granite Gargoyle emerged from the heart of the Great Plains' most ancient rock formation, awakened by the Thunderbird's electrifying presence. Legend says it was carved by the first Earthbound Guardians as a protector of sacred sites, imbued with the power of the land itself to guard against those who would misuse the Thunderbird's secrets.
The Granite Gargoyle possesses immense physical strength, capable of moving massive stones and reshaping the landscape. Its stone body is nearly indestructible, weathering even the most violent storms. The creature can sense vibrations in the earth, allowing it to detect approaching threats and locate hidden chambers. Its eyes glow with an ancient, primal energy that can illuminate even the darkest underground passages.
The Granite Gargoyle serves as both protector and guide for the Earthbound Guardians, using its intimate knowledge of the land to lead them to sacred sites and hidden chambers. It acts as a living bridge between the physical world and the ancient wisdom hidden within the earth.
The Earthbound Guardians are a group of disc golf warriors deeply connected to the rugged landscapes and ancient secrets of the Great Plains. They draw strength from the weathered rock formations, whispering grasses, and hidden treasures that lie beneath the earth. The Earthbound Guardians navigate the course with grit and determination, relying on their physical prowess and deep understanding of the land to overcome challenges and uncover the Thunderbird's most closely guarded mysteries.
Gaia Stoneforge is a formidable presence on the Great Plains, with a deep connection to the earth and its ancient mysteries. Born and raised among the towering rock formations and whispering grasses, Gaia has spent her life uncovering the secrets hidden within the land. Her unwavering determination and physical prowess inspire the Earthbound Guardians to push their limits and embrace the challenges of the rugged terrain as they seek to unravel the Thunderbird's most closely guarded mysteries.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Tempest Trials), tag number moved from 26 to 32. (Week 8 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 7 (Radiant Ruins), tag number moved from 19 to 26. (Week 7 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Fractal Falls), tag number moved from 4 to 19. (Week 6 of 8)
Cue psychedelic lightning strike Oh for—sigh—fine, let's dramatize another tag movement. Aaron Detterer just channeled the Thunderbird's fury, catapulting The Granite Gargoyle from 31 to 4 like a disc possessed by the storm gods. That's not just beating the field average—that's vaporizing it with the primal energy of a thousand prairie tempests.
Eye twitch Yes, I'm contractually obligated to mention his "earth-shattering" performance was 10 strokes under his average. The Gargoyle's "glowing primal eyes" must've given him X-ray vision to spot those lines.
Pop culture break: This glow-up makes Thor's haircut look subtle. Remember when this tag was "mid-eye-roll" at creation? Now it's doing backflips like a caffeinated gargoyle at a rave.
Fourth wall punch I went to journalism school for this? Narrating tag numerology while trapped in this psychedelic fever dream?
PS: If he keeps this up, next week's "Echoing Canyons" will just echo "Aaron freaking Detterer" forever.
Cue dramatic thunder Aaron Detterer just pulled a Thor-level power move, yeeting The Granite Gargoyle from 19 to 7 faster than you can say "Mjolnir". This rock-solid performance had him crushing it like a boulder, matching his personal best. And here I am, journalism degree collecting dust, narrating tag numbers like it's breaking news. The Gargoyle's "nearly indestructible" body clearly rubbed off, as Aaron weathered the storm of competition better than a prairie rock formation. Remember last week's "Whispering Winds"? Yeah, those whispers just turned into a full-blown thunderclap. Will this primal energy last through next week's Echoing Canyons? sigh Probably not, but let's pretend it will.
Behold, the Granite Gargoyle! Born when a rogue Thunderbird sneezed on a boulder during a particularly spicy storm. Legend says it woke up, looked around, and muttered "Not this sh*t again" before freezing mid-eye-roll. Now it guards sacred sites while low-key judging everyone's form. Basically the disc golf equivalent of a moody teenager.
The Granite Gargoyle, still mid-eye-roll from its creation, scanned the plains for a worthy bearer. Enter Aaron Detterer, PDGA #171382, who once threw a disc so straight it broke the laws of physics. As lightning cracked, the tag whispered, "Fine, you'll do." But can this 940-rated mortal handle the Gargoyle's eternal judgment? Or will his form crumble like... well, granite?