
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Stormy loch waters recede dramatically Sweet merciful Cthulhu, it finally happened! Celtic knot untangles After 7 weeks of clinging to Cryptid - CS1 like a drunk tourist to a Nessie plushie, Jaxson Wolfert has released his death grip! Bagpipes wheeze That +3 vs field? More disappointing than a cryptid documentary's "evidence."
Fourth wall crumbles like a soggy shortbread Oh don't look so smug, audience - you know this software won't let me celebrate for long. His Wendigo communication skills clearly failed to warn him about bogeys lurking like skeptical scientists.
From CS1 to CS6 faster than you can say "that's just a log," our former champ now swims with the other cryptid rejects. Ancient rune flickers At least his "Canadian wilderness survival" origin story prepared him for this crushing defeat.
Misty fade-out And thus ends the Loch Ness Chronicles - with a whimper, not a monster roar. Unless... ominous ripple nah, that's definitely just a duck.