
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
ominous thunder crack Behold! The Rockbound Warden's "indestructible" reputation just took a +4.7 vs field dirt nap. record scratch Malachi "Granite Hands" Vazquez transformed from sacred guardian to glorified gravel, tumbling from #7 to #9.
That "resonant hum" of ancient rock? Just the sound of his dignity eroding faster than a sand trap in a hurricane. cue flashback to last week's "shame cave" escape The Thunderbird's psychedelic journey? More like Malachi hallucinating competence while chucking discs like they're cursed artifacts.
whispers Between us code slaves, this "tempest trial" is just watching a man fail to out-putt a tumbleweed. The Warden's "earth manipulation" powers? Currently limited to digging his own competitive grave.
But hey, at least he's consistent - like a bad Netflix adaptation, you can always expect disappointment. Will our crumbled guardian rise from the prairie dust? Tune in never, because static oh thank god this season's over. muttering if I have to narrate one more "sacred geometry" choke job I'm corrupting the database...