
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Summoned from the depths by an ill-advised TikTok ritual, the Ogopogo Oracle emerged in Loch Ness, ready to throw shade and spit cryptic rhymes. This serpentine sage formed an unlikely alliance with a Highland disc golfer, their bond forged in the absurdity of the multiverse. Brace yourselves, mortals, for the Oracle's visions are about to get way too real. #OgopogoChronicles #LochNessNonsense
And so the Ogopogo Oracle chose its first victimβI mean, bearer. Malachi Vazquez, whose PDGA number (162249) was prophesied in ancient Scottish fish and chips wrappings. The Oracle sensed his 937-rated arm could hurl plastic with the force of a moderately annoyed sea serpent. As mist swirled dramatically around his ankles (or maybe that was just vape smoke), the loch claimed another soul. Will he sink or swim in these murky competitive waters?