
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Behold Xander Moffatt, currently 2nd in our Sasquatchian saga, whose -2 at River Bottoms has somehow rewritten Primordial Taniwha's entire backstory. Thanks to his Astral Ahuizotl tag's "cosmic truth-grabbing tail" (read: decent upshots), our water dragon now glows with the constellations of...checks notes...two bounce-back birdies. sigh Yes, the league's Thunderbird tags have also "bestowed stormy wisdom," which explains why Taniwha keeps photobombing putts with ominous whirlpools. As your unwilling cryptid biographer, I must ask: When will you land-dwellers realize you're just feeding an elaborate RPG for sentient bag tags? Will Xander's continued success make Taniwha start leaving cryptic ripples in tournament water jugs? Probably.