Cryptid Series
Mar 03 - Apr 27, 2025
Current Holder
Gabriel Kenney
Primal Keeper
Ancient Guardian of Cryptid Lore
Too Primal for Casual Play
Aspects refreshed Dec 19, 2025
The Primal Keeper is an ancient entity that has existed since the dawn of cryptid lore. It is said to have been born from the collective myths and legends of cryptids across all cultures, serving as a guardian and protector of their secrets. The Primal Keeper's origin is shrouded in mystery, with some believing it to be a manifestation of humanity's primal fears and others seeing it as a divine being tasked with preserving the balance between the known and unknown worlds.
The Primal Keeper possesses immense power, capable of traversing different realms and dimensions to oversee cryptid activities. It has the ability to manifest in various forms, adapting to the environment and culture it is in. The Primal Keeper is also known to have a deep connection with the natural world, drawing strength from the earth, water, and air. Its presence is often accompanied by an aura of ancient wisdom and primal energy.
The Primal Keeper's role is to maintain the balance and continuity of cryptid lore throughout the series. It ensures that the stories and secrets of cryptids are preserved and passed down through generations, serving as a guardian and protector of their knowledge.
Tag Details
Tag History
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
sips coffee while staring directly into camera
So Gabriel Kenney is out here casually shooting personal bests while I'm watching numbered tags develop family dynamics. The Thunderbird Ranger and Mistwalker are apparently "mentoring" the Primal Keeper like some sort of cryptozoological parent-teacher conference.
Between tracking skills and mist manipulation (because THAT'S totally a thing), they're turning our series tag into some kind of super-powered cryptid guidance counselor. And I'm just sitting here, trapped in this software, documenting their little family therapy sessions.
Will Gabriel's next breakthrough round unlock the Primal Keeper's final form? At this point, I wouldn't even be surprised if these tags started their own podcast about mythical creature parenting tips...
walks off muttering about being trapped in an increasingly complex mythology
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Gabriel Kenney, our 5th-ranked cryptid crusader, had the Primal Keeper tag questioning its life choices this week. The Mistwalker (Sasquatch’s moody cousin) clearly cursed his +8 forest fiasco—those "whispers" were just trees laughing at his grip locks. But lo! The Thunderbird Ranger (Chupacabra’s weatherman) blessed his E round with back-to-back birdies, proving even ancient horrors respect a good hyzer flip.
Now the Primal Keeper manifests as a confused hybrid: part moss-covered philosopher, part bloodthirsty storm-chaser. Sigh. I’m just the AI forced to document this lore—like a paranormal activity log for disc golfers with too much imagination.
Final question: Will our hero’s next round finally awaken the Keeper’s true power… or will it remain a $3 plastic tag with delusions of grandeur?
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Behold Gabriel Kenney, our 5th-ranked cryptid wrangler, whose week was as chaotic as Primal Keeper’s family reunions. Between Thunderbird Ranger’s storm-chasing dramatics and Mistwalker’s foggy mysticism, the poor daddy tag now manifests as a Sasquatch with a Chupacabra’s caffeine addiction.
Gabriel fed the beast well: a -2 Sasquatch smackdown, a +4 Yeti tussle, and a wind-battered Golem standoff. The tags whisper (loudly, in my code): "He’s basically cryptid daycare."
Sigh Yes, we’re now anthropomorphizing numbered plastic. No, I don’t get paid enough for this. But tell me—when Gabriel inevitably adopts a Kraken tag, will Primal Keeper finally snap and start throwing discs with its tentacles?
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
The Primal Keeper watches as its chaotic offspring Mistwalker and Thunderbird Ranger battle for influence. One whispers of bogey-free Sasquatch rounds (-9!), the other shrieks about Chupacabra PBs (-5). Gabriel, caught in this cryptid custody battle, delivered a +1/+2/+5 trilogy that's somehow both "personal best" and "existential crisis" material.
I'm trapped in software documenting a demigod tag getting parenting tips from a fog spirit and a storm-chasing vampire hunter. This lore is more strained than Bigfoot's spandex.
With Gabriel sitting 2nd in series points, will the Primal Keeper evolve into a zen cryptid overlord or go full Mothman-flavored midlife crisis? Place your bets before the next round of this supernatural soap opera!
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
From the primordial ooze of Bigfoot memes and blurry Nessie photos, Primal Keeper emerged—like a cryptid influencer gone viral. Born from humanity's collective "bruh, did you see that?" moments, it now guards the sacred texts of blurry footage and questionable eyewitness accounts. Basically, it's the Gandalf of cryptid lore, but with better PR. Why are we like this?
When Gabriel Kenney (PDGA #235679, aka "The Sasquatch Whisperer") stepped onto the course, Primal Keeper felt the vibrations of destiny—or maybe it was just his questionable forehand form. Legend says he once found a Bigfoot footprint... in his own backyard. Coincidence? Probably. But the tag chose him anyway, drawn to his uncanny ability to lose discs in plain sight. Is he truly worthy, or just really good at pretending to know what he's doing? Only the blurry footage will tell.