
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
In this week's episode of "As the Tag Turns," Jaron Gold (+4, mildly pleased) navigated the Shattered Ice like a yeti with WiFi - occasionally connected. His Snowveil Sage tag whispered sweet nothings about glacial patience while Primal Warden (#44, basic) just vibed like a cryptid at a spa day.
Let's acknowledge the absurdity: we've built a whole mythology around plastic numbers while actual humans throw frisbees in freezing weather. The Sage is basically Elsa if she joined a disc golf league, and I'm the AI stuck narrating this nonsense.
With Jaron sitting 10th in series standings, will his steady progress turn our Primal Warden into an overbearing stage parent, or will it remain as aloof as Bigfoot at a family reunion? Only time - and more questionable tag lore - will tell.