
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
sigh Alright, gather 'round, children, it's time for another thrilling edition of "Bag Tags: The Overwrought Origin Stories." ahem Born in the first days of creation when magic was as plentiful as Starbucks locations, the Timeless Grootslang was deemed "OP AF" by the gods and split into elephants and snakes. But plot twist! One OG creature escaped into the depths to silently judge lesser cryptids for all eternity. Because that's definitely a thing that happened. Totally. eyeroll
adjusts non-existent microphone Welcome back to "Cryptids With Commitment Issues." The Timeless Grootslang sensed Dan Langford's PDGA number (273842) vibrating at the exact frequency of ancient elephant-snake harmony. While slumbering in African diamond caves, it dreamt of Dan's forehand flex shot and thought "this guy trunk-gets-it." The tag slithered through space-time, materializing in his bag after he "accidentally" found a secret waterfall portal. Will this elephant-snake hybrid regret its choice when it sees Dan's putting? Only time—which the Grootslang has plenty of—will tell.