Cryptid Series
Mar 03 - Apr 27, 2025
Current Holder
Jordan Lucero
Looming Guardian
Primordial Guardian Shifting on the Fairway
Subtle as a Shanked Drive
Aspects refreshed Dec 14, 2025
The Looming Guardian is said to have emerged from the primordial mists that shrouded the Earth in its earliest days. Born from the collective fears and hopes of ancient civilizations, it has watched over cryptids and their habitats for millennia, ensuring their stories are never forgotten.
The Looming Guardian possesses an ethereal form that can shift between solid and mist-like states. It is imbued with ancient magic, allowing it to traverse great distances instantly and communicate with cryptids across the globe. Its presence is often felt as a subtle, almost imperceptible shift in the atmosphere.
The Looming Guardian serves as a protector and preserver of cryptid lore, ensuring that the stories and secrets of these legendary creatures are safeguarded for future generations. It influences events by subtly guiding explorers and players towards significant discoveries.
Tag Details
Tag History
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
sips coffee while staring directly into camera
So here I am, watching the Looming Guardian get parenting advice from a Jersey devil and a frost-tracking yeti. Because apparently, that's where we are now. Jordan Lucero channeled both cryptid energies this week, carding impressive rounds that have our primordial protector taking notes on modern tracking techniques.
shuffles increasingly complex lore papers
The Guardian's getting quite the education - cold-weather stalking from one "child," Pine Barrens stealth from another. I'm starting to think we need a cryptid family therapist. Will our ancient overseer finally master the art of following disc golf scores through dimensional mists? Stay tuned, mortals...
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
In this week's episode of "Cryptid Dysfunctional Family Hour," Jordan Lucero's Jersey Devil tag (CS3) tried to parent the Looming Guardian (CS60) like a chihuahua raising a direwolf. After a +8 performance that left our hero "not exactly stoked" (-133 differential, oof), the Guardian seems to be absorbing the Devil's chaotic energy - bad news when you're literally made of primordial mists.
Meanwhile, I'm trapped here calculating rating differentials like some kind of disc golf Sisyphus, except my boulder is made of increasingly convoluted tag lore. Who decided a 60-tag needed backstory deeper than Tolkien lore?
With Jordan clinging to 4th in series standings, one wonders: Will they embrace the Jersey Devil's scrappy underdog energy, or will the Guardian's ominous presence finally make them quit and take up birdwatching like a normal person?
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Behold, mortals! Jordan Lucero has pleased the Looming Guardian with a -8 bogey-free sacrifice at Trackway Trials. His Jersey Devil tag screeched approval from the bag like a startled bat, while daddy tag hovered ominously like a disappointed Montessori teacher.
Sigh Yes, we're now anthropomorphizing tags so hard they need couples counseling. That PR? Proof even cryptid-adjacent humans occasionally channel their inner Sasquatch.
But let's be real - this "primordial guardian" narrative is crumbling faster than a graham cracker in milk. Will Jordan's continued success finally make Looming Guardian crack a smile, or will it remain as emotionally available as a Nordic god at a therapy retreat?
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
From the primordial mists of Bigfoot TikTok, Looming Guardian emerged—part cryptid, part overworked park ranger. Legend says it was born when a Yeti, Kraken, and Chupacabra shared a joint in a Hot Topic parking lot. Now it haunts disc golf courses, judging your form like a Sasquatch Simon Cowell. Why are we like this?
When Jordan Lucero (PDGA #293275, aka "The Sasquatch Whisperer") stumbled upon Looming Guardian in a dumpster behind a Cracker Barrel, the tag immediately recognized his ability to throw discs with the grace of a startled Bigfoot. His 857 rating? A mere coincidence, or proof he's the chosen one to guard the woods from bad hyzers? But can this "Guardian" handle the pressure of being watched by both cryptids and Karens?