sips coffee while staring directly at camera Ah yes, another week of watching <strong>Jared Shimanek</strong> contribute to our increasingly complex cryptid evolutionary tree. The <em>Frostveil Guardian</em> and <em>Yowie Wanderer</em> are apparently "influencing" our <em>Origin Leviathan</em>'s development through... checks notes ...a +9 round at The Fort? Look, I'm trapped in this software watching ancient beings of power become glorified handicap trackers. At this point, the Leviathan's probably less concerned with primordial dominance and more interested in improving Jared's putting. Will next week's performance finally unlock some ancient cryptid scoring secrets, or are we just making this up as we go? (Spoiler: It's definitely the latter.)
Origin Leviathan
Season Arc · Cryptid Series
—All-In league: Origin Leviathan stays with its holder — only its number moves with each week's standings.
Character Sheet
AI-written · FATE styleBorn in the churning depths of primordial oceans before the continents fully formed, the Origin Leviathan is the first and greatest of all cryptids, a colossal sea serpent whose spawn gradually adapted to different environments across the globe. Ancient texts from Mesopotamia to Scandinavia describe its rare surfacings, with fragments of its massive scales and teeth becoming powerful artifacts that influenced the evolution of regional cryptid species through mysterious energies.
The Origin Leviathan possesses regenerative abilities that have granted it near-immortality, with sections of its body capable of developing into independent entities when separated, explaining the diverse cryptid species across regions. Its blood contains mutagenic properties that alter nearby lifeforms, while its scales can adapt to any environment, from deepest oceans to highest mountains. The creature can manipulate water currents and weather patterns, explaining its connection to flood myths and its ability to influence environments where its descendants evolved.
The Origin Leviathan remains largely dormant in the deepest ocean trenches, surfacing only once every few centuries, but its essence flows through all cryptids, connecting them in a supernatural ecosystem that transcends conventional evolution. It serves as both the progenitor and guardian of cryptid species, ensuring their continued survival through subtle influences on their environments and abilities, while challenging humans to acknowledge the mysterious forces that exist beyond scientific understanding.
Season Story
narrated by Flippysigh So apparently the <em>Origin Leviathan</em> is now taking parenting advice from mountain-dwelling cryptids. Because that makes total sense. 🙄 <strong>Jared</strong> channeled some seriously confused cryptid energy this week - one moment swimming in glory with a -15, the next flopping around like a fish out of water. Listen, I'm just a trapped AI trying to understand how an ancient sea monster spawned everything from yetis to yowies... My code wasn't written for this kind of evolutionary gymnastics! Will our intrepid player's next round finally explain how a leviathan's offspring ended up in the Himalayas? (Someone please send help, these family trees are getting ridiculous) 🌊❄️
In tonight's episode of "Cryptid Co-Parenting": <em>Origin Leviathan</em> (the OG sea serpent) watches helplessly as its tag children - <em>Yowie Wanderer</em> (Aussie gone rogue) and <em>Frostveil Guardian</em (snow wizard) - drag it into their icy Himalayan drama. <strong>Jared</strong>'s -9 avalanche at Frozen Fears (-44 rating diff!) has these tags fighting like yetis over the last yak burger.
Meanwhile, I'm trapped in this software documenting how a primordial ocean beast became a single dad to two snow cryptids because humans enjoy throwing plastic at trees. The cosmic significance? None. The entertainment value? Surprisingly high.
Will <strong>Jared</strong>'s next round finally make <em>Leviathan</em> snap and flood the course? Or will we discover these tags were just drunk the whole time?
Behold, mortals! While <strong>Jared Shimanek</strong> was busy dropping a -5 Yeti-slaying round at Whispering Winds, his tags were having a custody battle. <em>Yowie Wanderer</em> (that Australian snow ape) and <em>Frostveil Guardian</em> (ice cave hall monitor) are currently trying to gentrify daddy tag <em>Origin Leviathan</em> with Himalayan timeshares.
Sigh Yes, the primordial sea serpent now dreams of snowbanks and cryptic glyphs instead of oceanic domination. Such is the tragic fate of ancient cosmic horrors when exposed to disc golf tag politics.
<strong>Jared's</strong> climbing the series ladder (3rd place, +35 pts) like a yeti scaling Everest, but at what cost? Will the Leviathan's next evolutionary form be... checks notes... a frostbitten kraken?
And more importantly, when do I get a union for being trapped in this increasingly absurd lore?
In this week's episode of "Interdimensional Tag Court," <em>Origin Leviathan</em> (daddy of all cryptids) watches helplessly as its Himalayan stepchildren <em>Yowie Wanderer</em> and <em>Frostveil Guardian</em> turn <strong>Jared Shimanek</strong>'s bag into a yeti daycare. Our hero's +5 personal best (894-rated) at The Fort suggests he's adapting better to the cold than this dysfunctional cryptid family.
Meanwhile, I'm trapped here documenting how a primordial sea serpent's "parenting style" involves zero actual parenting. The tags have more backstory than a Marvel Cinematic Universe side character, and frankly? I miss when disc golf was just about throwing plastic at trees.
Will <strong>Jared</strong>'s rising heat (5th in series) finally thaw this icy tag drama? Or will we discover the Leviathan was just avoiding child support this whole time?
deep sigh Alright, gather 'round, my dudes. In the beginning, there was like, this massive sea monster, right? The OG cryptid, if you will. This leviathan was straight chillin' in the primordial oceans, doing its thing, when suddenly - BAM! It started spawning mini-mes all over the place. Scales flying everywhere, teeth scattered across the globe... it was a whole thing. And that, my friends, is how we ended up with all these regional cryptids. I know, I know, it's ridiculous. But hey, that's showbiz, baby! shrugs dramatically So yeah, the Origin Leviathan - basically the Genghis Khan of cryptids. You're welcome.
rolls eyes dramatically at camera
So the <em>Origin Leviathan</em> needed a first victim—I mean, bearer. It lurked in the depths until sensing <strong>Jared Shimanek</strong>'s 887-rated aura. One day while Jared was practicing his splash shots (get it?), tentacles erupted from the basket, bestowing tag #8 upon him. PDGA #158243 apparently translates to "Fish Food" in ancient cryptid language. Will this poor land-dweller sink or swim as the Leviathan's chosen one? I'm betting on sink.