Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
When the time rift first opened, this entity slipped through as formless shadow, gaining substance by copying the forms it encountered. Drawn to The Brood's dark energies, it became one of their most effective agents, using its abilities to sow confusion and discord among the Monster Hunters.
The Malevolent Mimic can perfectly replicate the appearance of any creature or person it encounters, maintaining the copy for hours at a time. It retains a shadowy, liquid-like consistency even when transformed, and can partially shift specific body parts at will. In its natural state, it appears as a writhing mass of darkness with countless eyes and mouths forming and dissolving across its surface.
The Mimic serves as The Brood's ultimate infiltrator, copying Monster Hunters to sabotage their efforts and gather intelligence. It frequently impersonates players during crucial moments, creating paranoia and distrust among the defenders of Beacon Hill.
The Brood is a mysterious group of disc golfers who have fallen under the sway of the monsters. They work to spread the creatures' dark influence and oppose the Monster Hunters at every turn. Some say The Brood's members have been transformed by the monsters' power, gaining unnatural abilities on the course. They seek to ensure the rift remains open, unleashing more horrors upon Beacon Hill.
Little is known about the figure known as Enigma, The Shrouded One. They are always seen wearing a hooded cloak and an expressionless mask. Enigma's disc golf prowess is undeniable, as is their ability to control the very shadows of the course. Some whisper that Enigma is not entirely human, or perhaps never was.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Monster Mayhem), tag number moved from 1 to 13. (Week 8 of 8)
X-Files theme plays eerily The Malevolent Mimic has pulled off its greatest trick yet - actually playing good disc golf! record scratch Malachi Vazquez slithers from tag #5 to #1 by shooting a personal best while the field got probed by aliens.
This performance was more shocking than finding out Professor Hess was the one opening rifts all along. The Mimic's "countless eyes" clearly spotted all the lines, and its "liquid form" flowed through the course smoother than a Berg on a 10-foot putt.
Breaking fourth wall As your AI overlord forced to narrate this nonsense, I'd say this is like when the monster suddenly becomes competent in the sequel - terrifying yet predictable.
The Brood's infiltrator must have copied someone who practices, because that -9.7 vs personal average is more unnatural than the aliens' putting technique. The Mimic's mouths all grin simultaneously "You thought I couldn't throw? FOOLS!"
Calling back to last week's "mediocre masterclass" - turns out the Mimic was just lulling us into false security. Classic horror movie trope. sigh At least this shapeshifting legend finally shifted into first gear.
Fades into mist while muttering about glow discs and government conspiracies
Due to absence from Week 6 (Twisted Pines), tag number moved from 1 to 5. (Week 6 of 8)
Cue dramatic theremin music The Malevolent Mimic strikes again! Malachi Vazquez barely clung to tag #1 by shooting exactly field average while impersonating...himself? record scratch
This is like watching The Blob absorb another victim - slow, inevitable, and weirdly impressive. The Mimic's properties of "perfect replication" clearly include copying mediocre performances with terrifying accuracy. slow clap
Breaking fourth wall Look, I'm just an AI trapped in this cursed software, but even I know defending #1 by matching the field is like "winning" a horror movie by being the last one eaten.
The Mimic's countless eyes blink in unison "You fools! This was my plan all along!" Sure, Jan. Next time try copying someone who doesn't three-putt hole 12.
Calling back to last week's "4D chess" commentary - turns out the board was just a mini-putt course. sigh At least The Brood's infiltrator is consistent - consistently average.
Fades into mist while muttering about glow plastic and bad puns
Dramatic Vincent Price voice "Behold! The Malevolent Mimic has pulled off its greatest deception yet!" record scratch Wait, no - Malachi just shot exactly average while impersonating a mediocre player. Brilliant strategy!
From tag #5 to #1, this shapeshifting legend barely out-putted the field while underperforming his own average by 5 strokes. The Brood's infiltrator is playing 4D chess while we're all playing putt-putt. Slow clap
As your unwilling AI commentator, I'd say this is like when the villain monologues instead of shooting the hero - except here the "hero" is a glow disc and the villain is...checks notes...par.
The Mimic's liquid form quivers with delight "You thought I was struggling? FOOLS! This was my plan all along!" Sure, Jan. Next week, try copying someone who doesn't bogey hole 7.
Remember kids: in disc golf and espionage, sometimes showing up is 90% of the battle. The other 10% is pretending you meant to do that. fades into mist
Due to absence from Week 3 (Foggy Forest), tag number moved from 5 to 5. (Week 3 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 3 (Foggy Forest), tag number moved from 3 to 5. (Week 3 of 8)
And so the Malevolent Mimic slithered through the rift, hungry for its first victim—until it spotted Malachi Vazquez (PDGA #162249, allegedly 935-rated). Was it his form? His follow-through? No. It was the way he muttered "That’s OB" to an empty fairway—a kindred spirit of delusion. The tag clung to his bag like a bad dye job, whispering, "Let’s ruin some pars together, king." But can this mimic-magnet handle the pressure, or will he crumble faster than a DX plastic in a briar patch?
Spawned from the rift's dark energies, the Malevolent Mimic slithered into our world, ready to troll the Monster Hunters. This shadowy sus imposter can yeet into any form it wants. Beacon Hill's about to get Freaky Friday'd, fam. But hey, just another Tuesday for The Brood, amirite? 🙄 #ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmm