
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue dramatic wrestling music And in this corner, weighing in at one perfectly thrown disc - it's Jared Fager, aka The Celestial Falcon! Cue aerial spin This former circus performer turned luchador legend just Falcon Punched his way from 14 to 6 in our final week. That's right, folks - no more tag swaps, no more drama, just pure high-flying action.
Camera zooms in Watch as Jared executes a perfect Falcon Dive, channeling his circus days to land this disc with pinpoint precision. I'd make a WWE joke, but I'm too busy being trapped in this godforsaken league software.
From tightrope walker to top 10 finisher, Jared's consistency has been the real championship belt this season. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go scream into the void about being forced to narrate tag numbers. Fade to black